Working With Widows

Widow's Fog

What Is Widow's Fog?

Also called grief brain — backed by neuroscience
Cortisol shrinks the prefrontal cortex
Can last weeks, months, or even years — does subside over time
Often invisible — they may look fine on the outside
Not a sign of weakness — this is biology

Timeline & What to Expect

No standard timeline — grief is deeply individual
Acute phase: 6 months up to 2 years is normal
Triggers resurface on anniversaries and milestones
Year 1 is the highest risk window for financial mistakes — consider delaying major decisions if possible
Clients may appear fine while still deeply impaired

How It Impairs Decision-Making

Memory

Recalling conversations and documents

Focus

Concentrating on complex legal or financial items

Judgment

Assessing risk or weighing options

Show You Care Consider sending a note or card 1 year after their loss, or on special occasions like anniversaries or birthdays. Most of a widow's support tends to disappear after a few weeks.

First 30 Days: Financial To-Dos

Obtain death certificates — doesn't hurt to have extra on hand
Locate and secure the estate plan, insurance docs, and financial statements
Create a list of assets and liabilities
Pull credit report to ensure all debts are found
Work on gaining access to financial accounts
Contact financial institutions — do not close joint accounts yet
Notify Social Security

Notify their employer if still working — work with HR on workplace benefits
Create a basic budget and note when recurring bills are paid
File life insurance claims (needs death certificate)
Apply for survivor benefits and pension
Do not sell investments, the home, or large assets
Do not lend or give money to family yet

Bonus Tip: Have the widow create a to-do list for outstanding tasks When people ask how they can help, the widow can refer them to the list.

Don't Say

"I know how you feel"

"At least they're not suffering anymore"

"It is time to move on — there is no timeline"

"You need to be strong for your kids"

"Everything happens for a reason"

Avoid euphemisms like "passed away," "in a better place," or "no longer with us"

Do Say

You're not there to "fix" the grief — just to witness it and be present with them.

"There is no rush. We will go at your pace."

"I'm here for you."

"This is so hard. It's OK to feel whatever you're feeling."

"Tell me more about [NAME]."

"I will put this in writing so you can review it."

"It's OK to cry. It's our body's way of helping cope with loss."

Communication Best Practices

Every Meeting

Listen more — use plain language, avoid jargon
Never appear rushed — slow your own pace down
Bring a note-taker if possible — don't count on them remembering things

After Meetings

Send written summaries of all decisions made
Note which decisions were deferred and why

Your client may not remember what you said.
Make sure to put everything in writing.

Identity Theft: A Risk for Widows

Why Widows Are Targeted

Obituaries publicly announce the loss
Life insurance payouts attract predatory actors
Widow's fog impairs her ability to spot scams

Protective Steps

Freeze credit at all 3 bureaus right away
Report the death to Social Security to flag SSN
Notify credit bureaus — request a deceased alert
Cancel driver's license at the DMV
Delay major financial decisions

⚠️ Beware of well-meaning advice from friends and family on financial or legal matters.

Credit Freeze Equifax · Experian · TransUnion — Freezing credit is free and one of the most effective protective steps available.

Resource for Widows

Wings for Widows

wingsforwidows.org

Free pro-bono financial coaching for widows

Who To Contact Checklist

Before you begin: Obtain 10–15 certified death certificates — you will need them for nearly every contact below.
Ask for help: Delegate items from this list to a trusted family member or friend. You do not have to do this alone.